Going Under
by She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Sane
Summary: A oneshot song fic. PostHBP. Hary is gone. Gone from her life. Leaving Ginny to pick up the pieces. What happens if she can't? Contains depressing themes


'Ginny, listen … ' Sighing deeply, Ginny tore her eyes from Dumbledore's white tomb. It was oddly beautiful. She couldn't understand how something so terrible could be so beautiful.

See gazed into the emerald pools of eyes, overwhelmed with emotion. It was choking her, she could hardly breathe. It was more intense even than that first kiss she and Harry had shared. More intense than the first moment she realised that it was no longer a silly school girl crush that drew her to Harry. It was love. Never before had she felt an emotion so deep and raw, it paled in comparison with the tiny jump in her stomach when she had kissed Dean. She knew that she could never love anybody anymore.

'I can't be involved with you anymore. We've got to stop seeing each other. We can't be together.' The breath caught in Ginny's throat. _What? No! _Ginny felt her lips move, her answer was automatic. She barely heard the explanation Harry gave. Didn't he realise she would give her life for him in a heartbeat? Her gaze drifted to the lake, trying to stop the floods of tears from falling. _I will not cry… I can't… I won't cry…_

Now I will tell you what I've done for you:  
Fifty thousand tears I've cried.

She could barely remember the conversation she and Harry were having. Her heart was shattering. Painfully ripped apart, the realisation doubling the pain innumerable times. It was over. Never again could she stare into those painfully bright jade eyes, knowing that they only contained love for her. Her carefully constructed daydream was falling apart, dragging her down with it.

How long Ginny sat there, drowning in her painful sorrow, staring at that one glitter of the sunlight on the lake, slowly watching it fade, she did not know. Harry had long ago left. She didn't know why. She didn't care. All that mattered was that he was gone. Forever.

I will not cry… 

Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you,  
And you still won't hear me.

Her frantic emotions were screaming. She was drowning in her unfallen tears.

_I will not cry…_

I'm going under...

Ginny had never given up on Harry. Even when he had rejected her valentine in his second year. Even when he had kissed Cho Chang. Even when she had decided to continue with her life. She knew it could never be complete without Harry.

Then he had kissed her.

It was the most wonderful experience of her life. The deep dark chasm in her heart that she never knew existed had suddenly been filled. One look into those deep eyes was enough to confirm what she already knew. She was in love.

Then, after a few short weeks, it had been ripped away. She almost wished she had given up on Harry. She would never have felt love, but wouldn't be going through the agony. She never knew it would be so painful. Her soul had been stabbed. A wound that could only be cured by one thing… The person who had done this too her.

_I will not cry…_

Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself,  
Maybe I'll wake-up for once.  
Not tormented for daily, defeated by you...  
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom.

How could he have done this? Did he not love her? Had it been some big mistake? Was it not love he saw in those eyes?

Ginny tightly clamped her eyes shut. She had to stop herself. She could not cry. She wouldn't let herself.

A dry sob tore through her body. Every time she closed her eyes she saw his. She was drowning in the deep green of them, falling into the abyss.

_I will not cry…_

I'm going under...  
Drowning you.  
Falling forever...  
I've got to break through,  
I'm going under.

Had Harry lied to her? No! Her Harry would never lie to her! He loved her! Didn't he?

Her Harry.

Not anymore.

_I will not cry…_

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies,  
So I don't know what's real and what's not.

**Always confusing the thoughts in my head,  
So I can't trust myself anymore.  
**

She found herself on her own. _I should be with Harry. _Her stiff body jerked slightly as the Hogwarts express jolted into life. What she wouldn't do for Harry to be here right now, his arm wrapped around her protectively. She felt herself sink into the dark depression that had lurked in the shadows in her life. It had almost overpowered her after the Chamber. Harry had saved her.

Harry.

I will not cry… 

**  
I dive again...  
**

She was alone. She had nobody. There was her family of course. Her parents, accepting that she was no longer little, pouring their time into the Order, helping protect Harry. Bill, soon to be wed to Fleur; Harry had saved her sister from the bottom of the lake. How she had wished it was her that Harry had been sent to retrieve. Charlie, again, immersed in the Order, out of the country, in Romania with dragons, it had even been him who had brought in the dragon that Harry faced in the first task. Percy, loyal only to the Ministry, turned away from herself, her family and Harry. Fred and George, running a business, funded by Harry. Ron, the protective older brother, protecting her from everyone, making sure she found Harry.

She could not escape him. Harry was everywhere, twisted into the fabric of her life. He was her lifeline.

_I will not cry…_

**  
I'm going under...  
Drowning you.  
Falling forever...  
I've got to break through,  
I'm going under.  
**

Harry walked past her cabin. His green yes meeting her chocolate brown ones for a fraction of a second before he gave a small sigh and moved on. _Had he moved on already? Should I be moving on?_

It was bittersweet. She could see, no, _feel_ the love in those eyes, but could never experience it again. Not now it was over.

Her heart was screaming for release. Pain was speeding through her body, as if a poison, slowly drowning her, dragging her beneath the surface, suffocating her. Killing her.

I will not cry… 

**  
So go on and scream,  
Scream at me. I'm so far away,  
I wont be broken again...  
I've got to breath,  
I can't keep going under.  
**

She had waited for six years. Her hopes slowly building up over time. They had become friends during their fifth year. She had been part of the DA. She had helped him stand against Umbridge. She had gone with him to the Department of Mysteries. He considered her a friend. It was one step closer for Ginny. One step closer to heartbreak.

_I will not cry…_

**  
I dive again  
**

She couldn't take it! Anything was better than this. Anything. Why was she struggling? There was no way out. Her heart was broken beyond repair. She could never love again. Why fight the strongest currant? Why fight? It only lead to more pain.

She let herself be dragged down.

_I will not cry…_

**  
I'm going under...  
Drowning you.  
Falling forever...  
I've got to break through,  
I'm going under.  
**

She felt her turbulent emotions surround her, dragging her under. She let the emotions swirl around her, scattering the fragments of her broken heart. She was too deep to be rescued. There was no escape. Slowly, taking a deep shuddering breath she rose her wand.

I will not cry… 

A tear slid down her cheek.

**  
Going under,  
Drowning in you.  
I'm going under.**

The knife slid into her heart.


End file.
